It’ll always just be what if

16th October 2023 | 3 Views

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You’re about to be snagged for the rest of your life, I wonder if things would be different if I was one of the guys. 

Would we have worked and been a thing, or will the thoughts of being with you forever be a dream? 

The way you would smile whenever you looked at me; it’s crazy it was just a FaceTime thing and never meant to be. 

You were my muse and I could write words for hours, now I sit here and stare at a blank page like a coward. 

It’s years later and I don’t think you’ll ever see, some small part will always believe it was supposed to be you and me.

I was there when everyone else didn’t want to see, some small part of your life was falling apart like an old ass tree. 

I thought what we had was something special and true, but your stupid best friend said I was just filling that missing void for you.

You talk to me and it’s like things have never changed, I wonder if you allowed it would this round just feel like a game. One where you had me chase you like you were living in fame, it’s crazy though because I’m the only one that I think calls you by your legal name. 

What I wouldn’t give to just see you once even if it was a passing by, I wonder then if you’d stop in your tracks and actually question why. 

How we went from what we were to now, would you have allowed us to be a thing if you didn’t already feel like your family clown? 

I swear if you saw me you’d realize those feelings you felt were actually true, maybe then I’d be the one standing there on that aisle watching you. Walk towards me as tears fall from my eyes, for some reason I know this woulda all been different if I was born a guy. 

Nic Engel

@anic10e

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