The dormitory was shrouded in darkness, the dimmed lights casting an ethereal glow over the sleeping inhabitants. In the quiet of the night, Taeyong crept through the living area, his footsteps barely audible on the plush carpet. A nervous energy thrummed through him as he checked to ensure he was alone, before carefully opening the concealed compartment in the bookcase.Â
Nestled within was a relic of his childhood – a beloved teddy bear, its fur matted and faded from years of affection. Beside it lay a blanket, embroidered with rocket ships, worn thin but still emanating comfort. Taeyong’s heart swelled as he clutched them to his chest, these tokens of innocence transporting him back to a simpler time.
He cherished these moments alone when he could retreat into his littlespace, leaving behind the burdens of leadership, if only temporarily. As the leader of NCT, stoicism and strength were demanded of him, but within the four walls of his room, he was free to regress into childlike wonder.
The clock ticked ever closer to dawn, but Taeyong was unhurried as he prepared for bed, selecting pajamas as soft as a hug. He settled atop his covers, giggling as he introduced his teddy to the blanket, anthropomorphizing the inanimate objects into his only confidants.Â
The innocence of playtime washed over him, erasing his worries, but just as he sunk blissfully into his headspace, a knock at the door jolted him back to reality. Hastily concealing his contraband beneath the pillow, Taeyong steadied his voice before answering.Â
It was Doyoung, kindly checking in, but Taeyong brushed it off with practiced nonchalance, maintaining the illusion of control. After Doyoung’s departure, Taeyong’s racing heart slowed, but shame crept in, tainting his reprieve. The secrecy wore on him.
As Taeyong lay cocooned in darkness, he yearned to unburden himself, to allow his members to know him fully, littlespace and all. But experience whispered that childishness bred contempt, so he swallowed down his truth.Â
Sleep offered temporary escape, dreams providing a glimpse of a life where he was understood, able to integrate his adult leadership with the vulnerable child within. But morning’s light banished the fantasy, leaving Taeyong once again split, longing for wholeness.
So the cycle continued, stolen moments reversing time, then concealing all evidence by dawn. His littlespace, a separate world unto itself, fulfilling yet isolating. Perhaps one day he would unlock the courage to bring his two selves together, but for now, the darkness kept his secrets.
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