You ever feel unworthy. You ever feel like going numb, not doing anything, not talking, just sitting there, crying intermittently.
When home doesn’t feel like home. When the universe wants to let you know that happiness isn’t written for you.
‘I am happy’ was the text I sent to Adav just one hour ago.
And my happiness hasn’t lasted even that long too.
It was just a few minutes before my mom was shouting at me. About how big a burden I was, and how all that I do makes her want to kill herself.
Am I a killer? I am not right?
I knew, I knew the hate my mom had for my grandmother. But I didn’t know how deep it ran.
My grandma brought me fruits.
I ate them.
And that killed my mom.
She shouted at my grandmother. Very harshly if I add.
And that killed my grandma too. It bought tears to me I could only wonder what it would have done to a fragile heart like my grandma.
My dad was away.
I called him. Cried to him to come home soon.
But that ended tragic too.
I was scolded by him too.
I am an 18 year old and yet I can’t figure the problem.
Is it because I accepted things which my grandma bought me out of love?
Or now when I think about it did she do it out of love or did she do it in spite?
I am not sure and I will never know.
But I did it out of love. I didn’t want to turn away her gifts.
But all I did was hurt everyone in the end.
Seems like that’s my gift.
I hurt everyone in the end.
My eyes hurt now, from crying so long.
My heart hasn’t figured out my mistake. It doesn’t know how to heal.
For to heal a would, you need to know it’s cause.
Thus it chooses to remain silent.
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