The waves slammed onto the coast,
I could feel myself floating,
and at that moment, I wanted nothing more
than to be able to fade away.
I’m taking a deep breath,
but it doesn’t seem to fill the hole in my heart.
I wonder whether it would disappear with death.
the voices got louder and louder, over the course of days
“what are you expecting? pull out the trigger”, it said
i shook my head, maybe I was trying to make the little me prouder,
but if I were to pass away, what difference would it make?
all the days seemed to blur together.
i can’t seem to remember one.
i didn’t want to be here, but whatever
as I fell into a deep slumber,
i dreamt of a place where nothing was somber.
in a far away land where i wasn’t a disgrace.
and just like a ship adrift at sea,
with no sign of land I yell for aid.
but no one is there; it’s just me.
I might give up on this battle now.
and with my newfound absence,
still, the waves would break.
nonetheless, the sun would rise.
only, i would disappear entirely.
I never imagined it would come to this;
what a shame,
soon, I would just be a memory on some shelf.
maybe I had higher expectations?
But that doesn’t concern me any longer.
all i know is, I’m sitting here writing a letter
of how i’d vanish as if I had never appeared.
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