WHY EMOTIONAL DECEPTION OFTEN HIDES BEHIND GOOD INTENTIONS
I once believed I had finally found the kind of love many dream of—full of support, commitment, and shared plans for life. He was the kind of person everyone admires at first: kind-hearted, generous, and thoughtful. He was always there when you needed him, offering encouragement and unconditional support.
He believed in your dreams, pushed you to achieve more, and made you feel like you could build a future together. We shared so many common interests.
We laughed together, talked about the future, and built plans on what we would do, where we would go, and how we'd face life's challenges hand-in-hand. He loved my family, made an effort to bond with them, and always seemed deeply interested in supporting not just me but everything that mattered to me.
He was someone who truly seemed ready to build a life with you, a partnership that was supposed to be forever.
At first, it all felt perfect. He showed love through actions, was caring, and made me feel safe and valued. I thought I had found my partner in life—someone who would walk with me through thick and thin, who shared my goals, and who was committed to building a future together.
Everything seemed right. Until, just weeks after our wedding, I started noticing signs that shattered everything I thought was real.
HOW I DISCOVERED MY HUSBAND'S LIES AFTER MARRIAGE
He told me he was flying to Thailand to attend a close friend's wedding—someone I personally knew. I was surprised because I knew that this friend was already married. I confronted him on the spot, and instead of admitting the lie, he insisted it was true.
He claimed his friend's wife had suffered a stroke and now wanted to marry again. But something about that explanation felt off—it didn't make sense to me. I didn't just hear a lie—I saw someone "use his own friend as a cover story", someone who had no idea his name was being dragged into a betrayal.
That moment made me feel disgusted—not only at the deception but also at how far he was willing to go to cover it up.
Days later, he sent me photos from a hospital, saying he had food poisoning while in Thailand and didn't get the chance to attend his friend's wedding.
However, the story didn't align. When we were back together, I saw messages on his phone with three different women. One woman asked him if he was with family—he replied, "No, I'm alone."
The other two women didn't answer his calls, but he had tried calling them multiple times. I also found a hotel card dated exactly when he claimed he was attending the wedding. It matched his lie perfectly.
I don't have any issues with these women. As I scrolled through their conversations, it became clear that one woman wasn't really interested in him—she was busy working at a salon and had no romantic interest. The other two women didn't respond to his calls at all.
All the attempts came from my husband, not the other way around. It was a painful realization. It wasn't' t just about betrayal; it was about him trying to maintain an image of something that wasn't real, and all the while, I had been in the dark, trusting him blindly.
THE BETRAYAL THAT BROKE MY SPIRIT AND DAMAGED MY MENTAL HEALTH
That moment changed me. I questioned my worth, my decisions, my ability to judge people. I was confused, anxious, and emotionally exhausted. It wasn't just a lie—it was the loss of trust, the kind that cuts deep and damages more than just the heart.
I found myself crying in silence, not wanting anyone to know I was hurting. I felt ashamed for choosing wrong, for believing so easily. The emotional betrayal deeply affected my mental health—I lost sleep. I was trapped in a loop of overthinking. I felt my confidence collapse completely than I ever imagined. I started to feel lost about who I was.
DENIAL AND EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION: HOW HE RESPONDED
When I calmly asked for the truth, even when evidence was right there, all I received was denial. He looked at me and acted like nothing happened. It was like watching someone create a different reality to escape guilt.
He tried to twist the story, making me feel like I was overreacting, overly emotional, and even paranoid. This is what I later learned through my own personal research is called gaslighting—when someone manipulates you into doubting your own reality.
That's when I started realizing that this wasn't just a simple mistake—it was a pattern, a defense mechanism to avoid responsibility and maintain control.
WHAT OPENED MY EYES TO HIS DOUBLE LIFE AFTER WE GOT MARRIED
Instead of just blaming him, I found myself asking, "How could someone who just vowed to love me still lie and deceive?" I couldn't wrap my mind around it- how could he betray me so soon after we'd just committed to each other? What makes someone live a double life?
Based on my own personal research, I found that some people develop deep-rooted behavioral patterns from childhood—lying as a way to avoid punishment, or seeking validation from others out of emptiness.
Some carry avoidant traits or narcissistic tendencies, where love is shown at first but fades once emotional responsibility is required.
I realized he may have lacked the emotional strength to face truth, or maybe he was afraid of being emotionally exposed. Whatever the root cause, it helped me detach emotionally and see the situation with clarity—not hate.
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5 POWERFUL LESSONS THIS EXPERIENCE TAUGHT ME
1. SOME MEN MARRY FOR REASONS OTHER THAN LOVE
Some men marry you not because they deeply love you or are committed to building a life together, but because they seek emotional comfort, social approval, or a sense of control to fulfill their own needs that have little to do with real love or commitment.
2. TAKE TIME—MARRIAGE IS A LIFETIME COMMITMENT
Marriage is a lifetime commitment, so take your time before deciding. It may take long years to truly get to know someone. Invest enough time understanding the person you're choosing to build a life with. Make sure the person has sincere intentions and truly values you.
3. DISCERN TRUE INTENTIONS BEHIND COMPATIBILITY
Compatibility and comfort alone don't guarantee true love or a strong foundation for marriage. It's important to have discernment, as some people may ride on your dreams and goals just to gain your trust. They might act like the perfect match, but their intentions could be insincere. Pay attention to their actions, not just words, to make sure they truly want to build a life with you.
4. GOD'S WISDOM MUST COME BEFORE EMOTIONS
Follow and trust God's wisdom, not just your heart. I did ask God for wisdom, prayed deeply, and sensed something wasn't right. Yet, I still ignored the guidance He gave me because I was too focused on my dream of starting a family and disregarded the wisdom I received from Him. I chose my emotions over His direction—and now, I'm facing the consequences of disregarding His wisdom.
5. MARRIAGE ISN'T FOR EVERYONE—AND THAT'S OKAY
This experience has made me realize that I may not be the marrying type. I used to view marriage as a milestone, but now I see it may not align with my own path. In the future, if I open my heart again, I'll choose companionship—someone who shares my desire for growth and purpose, whether a true friend or kind soul, as we journey through life together.
WORTH A LOOK
If this story spoke to your heart, here's another powerful piece you shouldn't miss. "Mastering Betrayal: Why Repeated Pain Is Our Greatest Teacher in Life | Ember Rage"
It goes deeper into the emotional lessons betrayal brings and how pain can lead to purpose.
FINAL THOUGHTS: FINDING PEACE THROUGH PAINFUL LESSONS
I've come to a deep realization—when you ask God for wisdom and discernment, He will always answer. But If you still choose to follow what feels comfortable instead of obeying what He has shown you in your heart, silent consequences will come. That's exactly what happened to me.
I followed my emotions and dreams over God's direction. I thought I knew better. I disrespected His wisdom. And this painful experience became the consequence.
Writing about this here on Milyin has helped me process, heal, and understand not only myself—but understanding human nature. I no longer carry anger.
What I feel now is peace. I share this not to blame, shame, or make my husband look bad. I don't hate him. In fact, I pray for him. I pray that God places real conscience in his heart, that he finds healing from the deep wounds he may still carry from childhood, or whatever the root of his pain may be.
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This story is raw. It's honest. There is no exaggeration—just the truth. I share it because healing begins with acknowledgment. And healing, for me, means taking responsibility for ignoring the signs God gave me.
People may break you, disappoint you, or crush your spirit—but even that has purpose. Everything that happens is a chance for God to discipline, teach, and lead us to grow.
That's what this experience has been for me—a lesson not just for me, but for both of us. Because marriage is not just love and comfort—it is a lifetime commitment that requires alignment with God's will.
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