I am a science teacher in a government school. My friend Gita recently got married. After two years of marriage, she is #blessed with a daughter Minni.
Gita said” Madam my husband is a gentleman, but he refuses to change his style of living after marriage. Therefore I have made a lot of changes in my style of living. After Minni is born, I am a mom first and #wife later in sense I feel that as a mother my responsibility towards my child is sometimes more than my responsibility towards my #husband.”
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I said,” Please be bold my friend, now you will face the hard truth of life after #marriage which is correlated with the hardships of married life after having a kid.”
I said “I do realize like most husbands, Gita your husband is comfortable in rolling around as he was before marriage. He is happy being a father but does not think that it is his #duty to help you in raising a child.”
Gita said “Madam I feel my relationship with my husband after having a kid is not intense to that level what I had before having a kid. I feel that my husband feels neglected after arrival on Minni.”I said to Gita” That is the brutal truth of life, after marriage sometimes the husband feels neglected.”
Gita further said” Madam after marriage and kid, I have ended up doing the lion’s share of the work. I am doing most of the parenting, most of the #planning and scheduling of family life. I am planning most of the housework, shopping, the cooking etc.”
I said, “Dear Gita I do realize you feel disrespected, unappreciated, let down, and therefore you always have resentful feelings.”
I further said” Gita please be bold and face it. You are working mom and you have to do most of the work at home, as this is a tradition in Indian families."
Gita had a very wise sister in- law Sita. She visited her brother- bhabhi's house with her mother Radha. Sita said,” Dear brother and bhabhi please do not try to make your #post-kid marriage dynamics equal to pre-kid marriage life dynamics.”
She further said,” The trick is to create new marriage dynamics, which should be full of love, #appreciation, and respect, for each other, within the post-kid dynamics of life.”
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Gita’s mother-in-law Radha said “Please realise son! Your child Minni is a tender soul, who requires a lot of #patience, and the non-stop hard work of living within a family system without a lot of help from outside.”
Gita’s mother-in-law further said “‘Please do realize there is nothing like having a little #blissful family of your own. Please do not mind if you have to put in a lot of hard work, and do not hesitate to be in constant communication with each other. Please do share your feelings, and try to make your #spouse happy. Finally, do not let your spouse upset. So keep it up. Enjoy life.The best is to learn how to mend your life as and when required. “
Gita is so thankful to her sister-in-law who gave wisdom, to her(Gita) and her husband about how to lead blissful family dynamics after having a kid.
Sukarma Thareja
Alumnus IITK
India
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