Almost 5 years ago I realized a typical job wasn’t made for me because I don’t like taking orders and prefer working according to my own schedule. And more or less 1 year ago I started my self-employment journey.
Since then till now the journey hasn’t generated any results. It is hard to keep your hopes up when there is not even a tiny sign that all of your work will be paid off. Especially for a guy like me who needs an incentive every step of the way, this is really a tough time.
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But what’s even more stressful is constantly generating content every day at my own expense without a single penny earned in return.
I have zero paid subscribers in my other subscription-based platforms.
But I have to keep going because who knows what tomorrow will bring. So far tomorrow has brought me a workload and hopelessness but giving up isn’t an option.
Others who give up have something back up planned but I don’t have that.
This is my final plan and my back is already against the wall.
And just imagine on top of this if you have to produce daily content by yourself. That means picking a material, editing it and finally publishing it.
Not to mention keeping up with life’s other commitments.
Somedays when I can’t complete my daily publishing schedule, the next day becomes more stressful for me because on that day I have to produce both that day’s and the previous day’s content.
One of those days was the day before yesterday. My whole day was occupied with work and in the evening when I came back home, I didn’t have the power to sit in front of a computer and create.
And the main reason for this is my work comes from my own mind and if the mind is not in a positive state nothing will come. So from yesterday morning till midnight, I had to work without a break.
At dawn usually when I go to sleep, I lie on my bed looking at my ceiling. I am unsure if the work that I have done today will generate any results tomorrow or in the upcoming future or not.
It feels kind of like doing a job but without a paycheck. The thing that I most dreaded. It’s like my time and creativity are not my own, someone is forcing me to work.
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But when I look deeply there is no one but my hope. My hope that tells me that maybe one day people will see my work and pay for it. And all of this will be worth it then.
Right now I am running in a dark tunnel without a sense of direction. Don’t have the slightest idea when I will see the light.
If you are in this type of situation or have ever been before, do tell me how you dealt with it.
Thank you for staying until the end!
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