REDISCOVERING MY TRUE SELF AND OVERCOMING ANXIETY
Life changes us, often in ways we don't recognize right away. For years, I was proud of being a kind, confident, and approachable person who could connect with anyone. But today, I barely recognize myself. Anxiety, trust issues, and betrayal have changed me, and I feel disconnected from the world.
Here, I'll share one moment that made me realize how much I've changed and why I'm determined to reconnect with my true self.
THE DAY I REALIZED I WASN'T MYSELF ANYMORE
A simple moment can carry so much weight. Just recently, I was preparing to send a parcel to the Philippines. The courier called me multiple times before I finally answered. When I went downstairs to meet him, I noticed my husband's son—my stepson—arriving at home. He greeted me, but I was so focused on my conversation with the courier that I didn't even acknowledge him properly.When I went back upstairs, guilt started to weigh on me. How could I have ignored someone who's part of my family? It wasn't intentional, but I know it hurt him. This wasn't me. The person I used to be would have been thoughtful, keeping conversations balanced and making sure no one felt overlooked.
And it wasn't just my stepson. I also bypassed my husband. He was sitting in the living room, watching TV, and I didn't even go to him to let him know the courier had arrived. If my stepson hadn't come home and mentioned that someone was outside, my husband wouldn't have even known. I should have simply acknowledged that the courier was here, but instead, I didn't. My husband saw me talking to the courier and asked why I didn't tell him earlier when he was just in the living room.
I was so disappointed in myself. It was a small thing, but to me, it felt like I had acted out of character, especially because I know I would have felt upset if someone had bypassed me like that.
THE DISTANCE I FEEL
Even before I opened the door to meet the courier, I already felt stressed and panicked. Meeting new people, engaging in conversations—I used to enjoy these moments. Now, they trigger anxiety. My chest tightens, my thoughts race, and I feel weighed down. I've started to freeze in social situations, even with people I know.
It's as if my personality has changed. Where I was once calm, confident, and attentive, now I feel distant, with no emotions, and disconnected. I've become a shadow of my former self.

THE JOURNEY THAT BROUGHT ME HERE
The person I am today is a result of experiences that affected me deeply. Over the years, I've faced betrayal, lies, and countless moments where my trust was broken. I wanted to forgive. My faith taught me to let go of anger and to leave my pain to God. But instead of finding peace, I feel like I've lost myself.
I lowered my standards, adjusted my boundaries, and tried to become the person my faith encouraged me to be—kind, patient, and forgiving. But in the process, I lost the strong sense of self I built for myself. Now, instead of feeling secure, I feel drained and uneasy in social situations.
STRUGGLING TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE
What hurts the most is realizing how hard it has become to connect with others. Conversations feel forced. Smiles feel fake. Even when I want to express myself, it's as if my words are empty. I try to put on a smile, but inside, I'm filled with anxiety .
The only time I feel calm and at peace is when I'm alone. When no one is around, my thoughts settle, and the anxiety fades. But I miss the version of me who could light up a room, who could adapt to anyone's personality and make them feel comfortable. I miss the joy I felt when connecting with others genuinely.
FINAL THOUGHTS
This isn't just about one moment with a courier or my stepson—it's about realizing how much I've changed and how far I need to go to rebuild myself. Anxiety, trust issues, and self-doubt don't define me, but they've had an effect on my personality.
Healing isn't easy. It's not just about forgiving others but also forgiving myself for the mistakes I've made along the way. I need to find a balance between faith, boundaries, and authenticity.
Life's challenges can take away the pieces of ourselves we once loved. Betrayal and anxiety may leave scars, but they don't have to define who we are forever. Rebuilding ourselves means forgiving others, forgiving ourselves, and finding a balance between faith, boundaries, and authenticity. This journey isn't easy, but it's worth taking. Let's find our true selves again.
I share this story not as someone who has all the answers, but as someone who is still figuring it out. If you've ever felt like you've lost your true self, know that you're not alone. We can all rebuild, one step at a time.
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