Disclaimer/Notice as Provided by the Content CreatorI know it's confusing, but I wrote it under tons if stress and regrets. I feel really sick and hopeless, disappointed and full of regrets. Never trust anyone, not even your family, because at the end, they might be full of shit...
I know a lot of people, who have a family that their happy with, proud of having, and yet supportive to each other. They share good moments bad moments, they stand next to each other. And I know other people who never had a family, and always regret that fact and blame life, about not giving them a family to help them grow and evolve. But what if I told you, sometimes having a family, is the worst thing that can ever happen to you? Even if it wasn’t a bad family with that alcoholic father and that drug addict mother or all of that. A normal family.
I recently turned 30 years old, it’s been a hell of a life for me, that I never been proud of anything I’ve ever done or any moment I’ve ever lived had ever made me happy. Am I a looser? Well, I though of that for years and years, until I started my own business, and unlocked my true potentials that I’ve kept hidden for years, even my crazy thoughts and dark mood swings. I see people every day asking me why am I not happy, I have the knowledge, the skills, I master anything I ever try to learn and put my mind into. I never though of my accomplishments, always been buried by my disappointments and life hating. I never had a family to support me, but only people who never miss a chance to criticize and humiliate me. I’m always accused of my bad anger management, tho they never stop driving me crazy. I’m the biggest of the family, what a shitty fact. All the problems and responsibilities were always throw at my back. I never though of what is draining me, and all the bad feelings and the self hate that I possess. Until one day I discovered trading, the hardest job in the world. I spent my life as an editor, continent creator, even went to war as a camera man wishing my life would end in ways filled with adrenaline facts and not to attempt any weak move of suicide, tho suicidal thoughts never leaves my head. I’m a crazy driver, I can’t help it taking my feet off the gas. Sadly no matter how hard I tried, somehow someway, I kept cheating death. In my recent years I felt board after quitting the job that was draining me all over my chest. I devoted all my focus on my business, pouring all my life savings into that. The rest was in a bank account, I’ve transferred it years ago to my father’s account, so if I died, based on my ultra risky job that I might get shot any moment and end up not coming back. I never owned a thing I’ve ever worked hard for, always putting it in someone else’s paper work, so they don’t need legal paper works and lots of headache if anything wrong happens to me. I was the first to call inflation and banks eating our money before anyone ever though of that. I changed many people’s lives just because they took their money out of the banks. And guess what happened to me? Ohh is it that hard to tell? I kept begging my father days and days to withdraw the money and convert it to the green one, so we don’t suffer currency drawdowns. And guess what he has said. The money is safe in the bank because if you have it you’ll waste it on whatever and get left with nothing. Until a year later shit got messy. And my 30k savings I finally got to withdraw was yet worth 2k. 11 years of hard working, went into trash. Yet I overcome that, invested it in my business, willing to at least get something back. I paid each and every month’s salary I’ve had for 5 years into developing my business. I was a photographer, a graphic designer, integrated cellphone maintenance and service into that, and after getting board of all that, I learned computers, softwares and hardwares. I went deeply into everything I’ve ever worked in, almost becoming a legend, as my clients used to call me: the one who fixes the unfixable. I spent days and nights, weekends and holidays working so hard on my skills and mindset. I even avoided having a girlfriend for 6 years so I don’t even waste my time and efforts on something that I know will be just a time and pass. My business was so successful, yet never stopped innovating, but for 6 years I’ve haven’t been making enough to take my life to the next step. I met a women, she was all I’ve ever dreamed of, she was the perfect match. I took a promise to my self, no matter the costs, I will work harder than ever, and make something to deserve spending my life with her. I spent 6 sleepless months, not allowing my self a break, I used to forget eating sometimes for a couple of days, exhausted with the work I had. I raised some money on the side. Wasn’t that much, but based on inflation, those 6 months was worth all the sleepless nights I’ve worked hard for my past 15 years if savings. Do I lie and say I haven’t felt bad? Wasted most of my teenage and my younger self working in jobs seen my money vanish over a stupid father’s mindset? I moved on, kept working hard to overcome the poverty I’ve always was forced to accept, because my family doesn’t understand, life isn’t about what you save, it’s how hard and smart you invest. My younger brother, who I’ve helped getting into my business and paid half my savings back then for him to learn and start working, and never been appreciative but honestly I never cared, I kept working for me and him, cause I wanted my business to keep growing, not to let a young boy fuck with my mindset. He kept spending all his income, yet I was the one covering all the costs for the business from my own income. Also never cared. One day he came with a project, that he insisted it was guaranteed and can make good passive income, and how stupid was I to trust him and accept that. I spent all the money I made in those sleepless 6 months, and the project was yet to be a failure, and he didn’t even bothered him self asking for a refund, and no guaranty was even their. He fucked me over, called me stupid for trusting him, and guess what my parents said? Well, it was my fault as always and he was right. No problem, moving on to the next step. I kept working hard, day and night, not seams to making what I should, tho my business is well doing and I’m a hard worker. I always kept blaming my self for every thing that happens. All my friends look at me and say: you should be a millionaire. What a waste, I know I should, but sadly at the end of the day, I kept feeling broke, cause I had no much money to move on to the next step. I never though of the main problems, was too exhausted killing my brain to learn and evolve, trying to make something out of nothing. I have to support my family, take care if my business, take care if the women I love, and build a life I’ve always dreamed about. But yet I was always stressed. No body was ever happy, no one ever felt my pain, and I’m always the one to blame, and end up been the failure. After all, I’ve never knew what was the problem. A friend of mine came, introduced me to forex, and the potentials it can give me, if I adopt and learn it. I started watching videos learning technicals and observing charts. As a side hustle as I work the shitty work I’ve do every day. It took me 3 months to start a live account and start trading, never practiced a demo one. And I was doing great. I’m a fast learner and I do my work with passion. I’ve overcome all boundaries but the main problem of my stress and drawdowns that always kept me away from success. Silence, and the ability to focus, without been overwhelmed with their bullshit and stress. I blew my first account on purpose, I went all in in the market crash. I had two options, either make good money and leave all the shit, start a new life, or loose it all which wasn’t much and use the money I’ve saved aside to open with a better broker. I felt asleep 5 minutes earlier than I should, I ran out of margin on only 5$ so my account crashed. I knew I could’ve saved it, but I didn’t. I was over stressed.
I opened a new account, decided to leave all the shit ahead, took the money I’ve had, rented an appartment, gave my brother my full business to tale care of, and went full time trading. I isolated my self for a week. Made 50% in 3 days. Something unbelievably true, because I’ve been spending all my days on the charts for the last 6 months, under pressure and stress.
Did I overcome my problems? I wish I had. I though it was all over, I’m making way more than I ever make in a month, I started helping everyone around. My brother fucked my business up, my parents overwhelmed me with their problems. The women I’ve rented the house from haven’t missed a chance to use my good intensions, almost fucked me if I’d gave her a chance. And what about my love life? The only thing that kept me going and motivated even with all the shit thrown on my head? Haha well maybe you guessed. I’ve had the most emotional draining 3 months of my life, cause I was accused of every bullshit anyone had thrown at my head. And how can she know I’m not a failure if I keep stressing and failing in anything I do, because no money was left in my pocket? I admit, 3 months home, accepting 10% of the customers I used to work for, I made more than I’ve ever made in 4 years in my own business. Why? Because the money is coming directly into my pocket. Their was no one to find ways to drain it out of it. I’ve had bad weeks, bad nights, and a lot of stress. Scalping and inter-day trading rules insists on never having any of that. I had a draw down, and I haven’t regretted. What really made me sad, that 90% of my analysis was correct. But I was left with nothing. My hard work once again haven’t paid me shit, it only raised my stress. I left the house, because I was sick of the ways the owner was acting at, had a fight with the women I love, went back the jail I’ve always wanted an escape from, which is my parents house. I said I can work a little bit, with my knowledge and the money in my account I had left, I still have a chance. They never hesitate to fuck of with my nerves and blaming me of any shit that is happening. As I watch my brother, the one who I’ve lost my business, my life, my patients, my money and everything I have, gave it all to him because I no more gave faith into what this business can have. I keep hearing the business ain’t going well. I left for 5 months, he haven’t made any income that even cover the electricity bills and rent. And yet, I’m still the one who’s a failure, and all the problems are thrown at my head. I can’t even ask for a simple thing, the smallest thing, and they instantly forget. And people tell me it’s nice to have a family. Well, it’s been a life time for me to regret that. After all, I’ve lost decades of my hard work, and still I’m the failure. I’m fulfilled with stress and regrets.
I’m getting sicker each day that pass, and lately I feel like I’m almost dying with a heart attack. And if I do, it will be a relief for me, cause my luck is shit, and my life has never been that bad.
before you give birth to your kids, learn what parents are for and how to deal with that.
And it’s my capabilities that keeps on giving me regrets. I know I’m stupid, but never blamed anyone but my self. Thanks for trading I realized, what my life problems were at.
But now I’m only left with my pain and regrets.
I'm a lost soul, searching for it's path. I write what I feel, I feel it deep. You know it's me cause my poetry's deep. I ain't doing it for you, I do it for me