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Love and Regret

T. KhanLast Seen: Apr 17, 2024 @ 7:25pm 19AprUTC
T. Khan
@T.-Khan

21st March 2024 | 2 Views
Milyin » 587991 » Love and Regret

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Love, what is it like? Is it something which I’m observing, or something which I’m feeling? Love that has taken over my mind, stealing the strength of my thoughts. I feel like I’m heading towards ruin every day. My heart desires one thing, my mind thinks another, and my tongue speaks yet another.

Anyway, whatever it is,

this is me,

this is my love, and in that love,

this is my state.

“Where are you lost, Rida? Look at them, how happy and good they both look together.” Kiran’s words made me divert from my thoughts. I had been fixated on them both for so long.

“Um…” I could only manage to say that, much before shifting my gaze away from them and pretending to search for something in my bag for no reason.

Sitting in front of me at my table, hands intertwined, they—the “happy couple”—left their conversation filled with love and turned their attention towards me. I couldn’t muster the courage to look at them.

“Are you okay, Rida?” He didn’t ask me this question directly; rather, his concern stripped me of my patience. If I had stayed there for even a minute longer, it might have been a catastrophe for me.

So, I decided to leave before Ryan could say anything more. But as I attempted to, Ryan held my hand.

“Rida…” the same voice, the same tone, and the same name. I felt the warmth of his soft hands on my heart. My heart wished for these moments to freeze, but it couldn’t. Despite countless efforts, two drops, from my eyes to the hem of my dress, had already determined the distance.

I withdrew my hand, picked up my bag from the table, and left not only the cafeteria but also the college, leaving my group of friends behind.

As I stood by the taxi outside, I gave my address and silently let out the turmoil within my heart.

Countless calls came to my phone, but I didn’t have the courage to answer.

Despite not wanting to, I encountered my mother when I reached home. She looked worried seeing my pale face and eyes. She thought I had failed an exam.

“This is because of the last day of the college.” I said this much and rushed to my room.

_________________________________

Tomorrow morning, we were leaving for Bhopal because my wedding was in a week.

The decision to marry was mine. Everyone in the world wants to achieve something under the guise of marriage. I also wanted to achieve freedom through this marriage… Freedom from my love! Only I knew this. My family thought it was for my future and for the betterment of people connected to me.

Suhail was one of those people who devoted their entire youth to earning money, and the thought of marriage only crossed their minds when they needed to change their life by means of partner in their life. 

Suhail and I had a fifteen-year age gap, but I accepted it because he had wealth that could secure the future of my mom and two younger sisters. It’s not that we were very poor, but the point was that everyone wants to progress in life. I also did… That’s why I rejected Ryan’s proposal a year ago.

Ryan situation and responsibilities were just like mine, so I never looked at him with those eyes and thought. If he had as much wealth as Suhail, maybe I would have been forced to look at him and will definitely make my thought of him. But what had happened to me in these three months? Not only did I fall in love with him, but I also fell in love with his simplicity, his poverty. But he has changed. Can’t believe love can lose its color so quickly? If not love, then at least friendship seemed to have disappeared.

The ringing of the cellphone interrupted my thoughts.

It was Ryan’s call. I disconnected and switched off my phone, locking it away in the cupboard.

******

(A month later)

After so many days, today I have returned to my city, to my home, and instead of happiness, I feel a sense of gloom all around me. Or maybe this is the gloom within me that hasn’t found release yet.

I needed to get rid of this gloom. I was tired of carrying its burden. I took out my cellphone from the cupboard, where I had left it.

As soon as I turned on my cellphone, I found 117 missed calls, out of which 93 were from Ryan, text messages. My heart started beating rapidly. I received countless messages as soon as I turned on the data.

“Rida, why were you crying?”

“Rida, why did you turn off your cellphone?”

“Rida, I came to your house, where were you? Your house was closed.”

“Today I went to your house again, it was closed again.”

“An aunt told me you went to a wedding, but whose?”

“She was saying it’s your wedding. I burst into laughter hearing that.”

“Has your phone been stolen? Or have you gone missing yourself?”

“Rida, please tell me where you are? I love you very much. It’s difficult to live without you.”

“I and Mia were acting to make you jealous. If you don’t believe, ask the whole group.”

I couldn’t read further because the cellphone slipped from my hands and fell scattered on the floor, just like my personality, like my existence, which was being scattered on the floor.

Now I have got, every escape doesn’t bring freedom; if the wrong path is chosen, it leaves a regret for a lifetime.

End:-

T. KhanLast Seen: Apr 17, 2024 @ 7:25pm 19AprUTC

T. Khan

@T.-Khan

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