Milyin Featured 27

Loved you enough to let you go

Prasad NellikatLast Seen: Mar 9, 2024 @ 4:44pm 16MarUTC
Prasad Nellikat

9th March 2024 | 4 Views
Milyin » 580312 » Loved you enough to let you go

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It is a story revolving around a 12-year-old girl who is studying in Saint Francis school. My parents named me Sakshi. I am an average student, not so bright and attractive. Usually everyone makes fun of me and bullies me endlessly. I have a friend named Naima who is friends with bullies so they bully me. Naima is also not popular among people as she belongs to a very strict household. The bullies mainly consist of Divya and Diya who kind of act like friends but are actually not. The other bullies were Geethika, Sreekeerthi, Nayana, Aparna, Sahana and Kalyani. They were daughters of big families and always got the perfect score. Divya and Diya were mere assistants to them. They controlled the class as a whole. No one could go against them. They kept their power by bribing the teachers with sweet words and of course their parents did the rest. They always get good support from everyone and all obey them. 

Let’s go back to me. I belong to a middle-class family which holds a very good name in society but I don’t talk about it even though I have everything I need or brag about it. I kept my grace and tried to be very poised. My father was from a very wealthy family but later we had a downfall and my father Rajagopal has to work in Delhi he is an engineer whereas my mother Sandhya is the head of accounts at a multinational company JTBC limited it is an investment company. We live in a very dignified manner without bothering others. We live in JTBC apartments which are owned by the company where my mother works. They provide apartments to important personnel in the company. In my apartment I live with my mother and grandmother and my father visits on holidays. 

I started living here only six months ago and before we used to live in a rural area near Mysore and now, I live in the heart of Bangalore city. The bullies had lived their entire life in luxury and comfort that they don’t know or feel other people’s hardship and emotions. The biggest bully in class was Sreekeerthi, the leader of their gang. Everyone listens to her and obeys all her orders in return other girls ask her help too. If someone goes against them or threatens their superiority, they go mad and disturb the submissive drastically to a point that they give up their dreams. Kalyani is the daughter of head of administration, Sree Keerthi is the daughter of the logistic department head, Geethika is the daughter of operation wing manager, Nayana is the daughter of manager at administration too all working in JTBC corporation and Aparna is daughter of the chief doctor and MD of JTBC hospital. Sahana is from a normal family but she helped Kalyani during an examination due to her cunningness she got into the gang. Diya is not too good at studies but at gossip she is number one. She is the main agent to spread the rumours that the bully gang wants to tell. Divya studies well but not up to the level of other girls so she is no threat to them so she paved her way into the powerful kid’s gang. These were just from my class alone, that is section B but there were other kids like them in other divisions too. Sometimes they all gang up and commit crimes. The A section has the gangster’s type like kids Kishan, Thejas, Ajay, Jason and a lot more. The section C consists of the encyclopaedia type of kids who were friends with Sreekeerthi’s gang some of them were also bullies. The section D is a separate world; they don’t get along with other sections; they are actually a secluded class which is independent of other sections.

The bullying started almost during the kindergarten days but during that time it was just arguing and getting punishments. At those times I was introverted so I literally escaped from those bullies and I was pretty attractive during my childhood days. So, these kids included me in their gang but later on I went on to make my own small clique in my first standard but it was nice we were the outcasts they don’t bother us or we bother them. Completely in a different atmosphere they had compared to ours. They were always treated fairly and nicely and we were partially included. 

The teachers and even the principal only supported the rich kids. All the benefits were enjoyed by them and we were seen as outsiders. The bullying had already existed even before we joined the school because the brothers and sisters of the kids were also in the same school. They had a lot of fun protecting their siblings as well as fighting with the juniors. It was always a fun activity, they all loved it. In the first standard I had a small clique which included my best friend Sunny, Thejas and Prabjodh. We were all good kids and had a very nice childhood but when we reached second standard we were unknowingly separated and we didn’t remain friends. Then I had a new friend Nayana who now is a bully. She used to be my bench mate and so we became friends. She is money minded and thought I was a poor kid who needed her help. My class teacher was my mother’s classmate but still I didn’t receive any benefit due to that I had a hard time during my primary school days. In third standard I had a small clique which had Prerana, Asha, and Yamuna. Our friendship lasted for almost 3 years till 5th standard. In-between we had two Sonia’s in our class along with Dimple who became our friends in fifth standard. The bullies were constant; they picked on the weak and enjoyed hurting others immensely. My first encounter with the bully leader Sreekeerthi was in kindergarten but during my primary classes she was not in my class thank God. Aparna was the first bully I met eye to eye. In the second standard they were picking on another kid Samuel for his food which has some smell in it. They don’t care about others because everyone can’t afford good food and life. He had no friends sitting alone in the corner of the class and I unexpectedly saw this so I wanted to make it stop. He was an angry guy so he talked back and escaped from them but it was my first time I saw these kids picking on someone. The following year Samuel transferred to another school. Later on, I knew that Aparna asked her father to take him out of the school as he is poor and, in his place, some other rich kid can be admitted. So blindly the principal followed their orders as they are quite powerful. In third standard I was bullied and kept on made fun of due to appearance. They made fun of how I walk, talk and sits and tortures me mentally. In fourth and fifth it continued and I talked back so they were actually scared of me. 

The actual bully gang came to its beginning stage in 6th standard starting after shuffling the primary class divisions. Before that I only knew about my class, I didn’t know anyone from other classes but now after shuffling it became mandatory to know all. All my friends went to other divisions. I was left alone by my bad luck. I tried to make friends but nobody liked me. They all don’t want to spoil their comfort zone due to me. Although I had enough money, they are still superior looking people to me. It’s probably a problem with my mentality. I shouldn’t have seen them as superior to me. They are also kids of my age. What more can they do? They were bullied endlessly. I was sitting next to a girl called Shanthi who is a free bird. She doesn’t have any best friends or cliques; she just gets along with anyone who is nice to her. She was a nice person to me at least. She did hang out with Jena, another girl in my class who is a fashionista. She was mean all the time. Shanthi behaves like a grown old lady. She knows everything about everyone and she is pretty much matured and already has a boyfriend. She told me about Geethika who happens to be friends with Shanthi’s cousins who were mean too. Geethika used to steal money from home in the name of tuition and brought expensive stuff. Sreekeerthi is jealous of all she has complexes that she isn’t pretty as her sister and pushed her sister off the stairs and she got injured badly in the side of her face. She has permanent marks near the ears so she bullies pretty girls as well as girls who are bold and strong. Aparna is a single child. She has lots of restrictions at home for being perfect and disciplined. She is jealous of other kids who are free spirited, happy and live life as it comes and are not disciplined. She hates them and punishes them severely. Nayana on the other hand is an extremely moneyed psycho. She likes to give money to people and make them feel poor and weak and enjoy their desperation. Kalyani the weirdest of all likes to punish and bully people who talk bad about her she makes others talk bad about her and catches the ones who talk along. Sahana, Divya and Diya are bystanders who just help and watch the bullying as told by the others. 

                                                                Shanthi was a great relief to me in that cruel classroom and I needed to keep her close but she is a free bird and doesn’t like to be my best friend. I saw Liya and Preetha who are also new to the class and are secluded like me Shanthi so I wanted to be their friends but they constantly ignored me and disliked my presence. I was hopeful that one day they would like me too but it didn’t happen. They were inseparable and always hated me together. I was so sad and lonely even Naima was always with Diya and Divya. Naima didn’t bother talking to me at all. Almost a year passed by and I was sad and unhappy in this world but I thought about studying well so that at least the purpose of going to school gets fulfilled. Even at the apartment they act in front of my mom as best friends but secretly hate me really bad. So, my mom still thinks Nayana Aparna is my friend. She must have had good impression about this fake people even if they get caught bullying, they get out of the complaint easily because no one wants to go against them neither me who is secretly scared and wanted to be part of them so that I can rule the school that kind of a bitch I was becoming due to them and their influence I am sad and despising myself for being like them. 

I tried my best to stay away from them and forget their existence as a whole but they kept on inviting me to their sleepovers and then leaving me alone to make me feel alone and lonely while they enjoy hurting others. I cry in my bed. Many times, I thought of killing them in their bed itself, assholes bitches born to bastards can’t take their shit anymore. Almost 1 year passed by their torture and comments disturbed my mind constantly. I started learning karate so that one day I can at least beat them up if I can’t beat them otherwise. In 7th standard I had my biggest collision with them. My seats were changed and I have to sit with Kalyani and Divya along with Naima. I was scared indeed but Kalyani treated me very nicely so I had thought all these years that she was bitch. She proved me wrong only for a few months to come and knew what she was really like. After being with these guys my life became shit. I became popular and studious and all were jealous. The mean girls like Kalyani. They wanted someone to assist them and make them look good in front of others so they needed me to be like a servant to them who is a friend. I didn’t realise any of it back then and they used me. They told my friend Shanthi that I gossiped about her and spread rumors that I hated Sreekeerthi because she was popular and beautiful. Nice idea by Kalyani I kind of knew this that they are fake and they knew it I am strong bold and better than them so they started avoiding me suddenly and teacher changed my seat and I had no friends anymore all alone I was bullied and the people who I believed to be my friend completely cornered me weird rumours started spreading about me I was heartbroken. I tried to talk to other people but no one wanted to be friends with me because I was bad and I thought to myself is it because of me myself and there must be something wrong with myself and I blamed me. Then I tried to hide my sadness but couldn’t bear the loneliness and I wanted a friend but no one wanted to be. The only relief I had was Anita, my tuition mate who was my childhood friend too. She liked me for who I was. I however survived and the new academic year began and everything was new so I wanted a new start. In 8th standard everything became serious. I started liking a boy for the first time, Karun, who is a very famous athlete in our class. I play handball and I am close with all my teammates and I unknowingly told them about my crush. They made fun of me by saying why he is not worth it. But the truth is they didn’t want to disappoint me by saying I don’t deserve him as I was ugly. I tried to make myself pretty but I still looked tanned and ugly. But slowly he started noticing me. I was happy I started dreaming about him and was slowly falling deeply in love with him. But it turned out he was just checking me out. His friends were also mostly bullies and he always followed his friends around and always tried to act cool in front of them. The truth is I never knew why I liked such a guy but mostly I wanted a boyfriend desperately due to my complex as well as due to my teenage changes that probably I didn’t notice. I must have been crazy to like a guy like that who spoiled my social life. 

The problems in my life started after Divya and Diya knew about my crush on Karun. So, my first love happened in 8th standard. It all started when my friends were talking about the topic Facebook. Actually, my dad has just bought a new phone. & I was interested in using it but I didn’t have much knowledge about electronics on the internet. So, I was interested in hearing about this from another friend Preetha who had a lot of information about Facebook. Then she told me that there are lots of classmates on Facebook and I thought I didn’t even know that. Afterwards she pointed out the boys who had accounts on Facebook. She told Anilesh, Amar etc and suddenly a name came up and I didn’t recognize it and thought to myself who is that boy Karun.

I didn’t even know about this guy. I noticed him for the first time when he was playing paper ball, one of the best indoor games in the class during those times. He was not at all my type and I needed to know him. After all, he’s my classmate. Then for the first time I didn’t tell my parents about Facebook I opened a fake account. so, no one will know me. And the fact I did it so that I can sneak into other people’s profiles. Suddenly I search for all the boys and girls and send a friend request. I went to see his profile and he had quite a lot of wonderful photos of him. I send him a message and it read ‘hey’

He replied ‘hi’

Then suddenly my parents started calling me and I logged out of Facebook and didn’t get the chance to know him. The next day I hesitated to see him. I was walking towards the class and in my mind, I was only thinking about him. I don’t know what I saw in him, to think about him so suddenly when I entered the class, I saw all the boys having a group discussion. I heard some words from it. They are searching for a mystery girl who had sent them a friend request on Facebook. Of course, it’s big-time trouble for me all my God I got into a big trouble. The fake account that I had made was with the girl’s name in our school. Karun was eagerly asking Divya and Devika about that girl and they replied that they didn’t know.

For the first time he looked at me, and asked “do you know who Dhanya Anand is?”

I told ‘no……no’ I don’t know

Then he walked away winking at me.

That moment I noticed he was the best friend of Amar, who was my classmate from LKG. I can’t believe it. It’s a nightmare for me. Then I thought not to think, tell or tense about it anymore. then I will be damned. But I continued to chat with Karun about everything happening in my life. It was like an ultra-universe for me.

It was summer and it was so hot inside the class I was sweating. Suddenly we heard him talking from the second bench where Karun, Gautam, Amar, Sandeep were sitting. Our class teacher was calling them because she was so angry as they were talking nonstop. She told Karun and Gautam to get up and take their bags. Then she turned towards us and the girls sitting in front of Tara and Megha seats were changed. Our class teacher Ramya mam told Karun and Gautam to sit near my bench. I looked at them, and Karan was staring at me so I got scared and suddenly turned back. But as time passed, I started liking him and started to know about him as he was sitting near me and we were chatting buddies but still, I was scared that one day he would know my fake account Dhanya Anand is me. I used to see him with a smile and he looked nice with his haircut.

The first time I talked to him face to face with my true identity was during the physical training hour everyone was playing all sorts of games. I was standing alone behind the building. Actually, I was hiding from the weird people around me. He came there to pick up the ball. He saw me and I was reading the book “The Notebook” by Nicholas Sparks. He smirked at me and told ‘hey what are you up to’ and I glared at him and replied 

‘Mm…just reading’ he threw back the ball and came back and stood next to me. I looked at him with annoyance and surprise. Inside I was very happy that he was near me some 1 or 2 centimetres away. He took out his MP3 player and played the song katy perry’s roar and he gave me the other earbud and we listened to it looking at the windy trees shaking. Just like the novel I was reading it was very romantic and like that my teenage dream was becoming a reality and he grew in me.

My stupid crazy friends told me that today I was looking very pretty so I was very confident in facing him. He was going on looking at me, I became shy. Then I started investigating his character and indeed I did a background check. I was in 8th b and I had my best friend Anita in 8th c. I told her about him. She was a true friend. She supported me, but did not criticize me about my choice. I started seeing him everywhere. Wherever I go I can see him, whoever I see reminds me of him. 

That investigation has at last begun his favourite colour blue red black white etc.

He doesn’t like idli, he only likes dosa. And of course, he was in love with biryani. He was an athlete, jumper and kho-kho player. So, I suddenly started doing sports too. I started playing handball seriously and one day everyone knew that the mystery girl on Facebook was me. It was a sudden surprise for everyone and it was a shock for me. Everyone started accusing me without any reason. By the way, what do they care about anyways? The most annoying part is Karun was talking to Amar about the whole drama and I am damn sure they are making fun of me and laughing.

Then everyone forgot about it eventually and even Karun forgot about it and in my heart, I prayed at least once he should have thought about why I messaged him and we talked to each other like strangers online. I hope he would have thought about it at least once. I was very ashamed about the fake stuff. How much I was true in chatting doesn’t matter. I used someone else’s identity and it is actually my alter ego. They all ignored my existence. 

My only relief and pastime was to watch him doing weird stuff and he is the most humorous person I have seen. During lunch breaks he announces he has bought Biryani for lunch so all his friends became excited and visited his seat and when he opened his tiffin box it was Idli. All were disappointed and he was laughing his ass off. As time pass by I forgot about the past.

Then exam time came by and all were busy studying. When the exam started, I was unable to see him for a while. My daily booster was off. Exams got over and we were about to get shuffled and we will get promoted to senior secondary and we will be wearing salwar-kameez so funny all were amazed to see the new uniform as earlier we used to wear skirts and shirts. 

And the D Day came and we got shuffled. He went to division Cand I went to another division so sad and depressed I walked towards division B. Everyone got new friends and of course he and I got new friends and I reunited with my childhood friend Anita. My mutual friend Apsara and handball friend Sara came to my class and we became friends. In 8th standard too I was constantly ignored and I was lacking in studies so I became an outcast. I used to hangout alone all the time. Small encounters happen between us and I can’t get over him now, I am completely immersed myself into this mess. Now even if I want, I can’t get out of it and the only hope I have right now is that he will one day love me back.

In June 2014 after summer vacation the athletic camp used to take place once every year and Divya, Karun, Anjana went for it and during the trip they started joking talking about how I like Karun and he became so sad after hearing it. The rumours spread all along. I was sad and depressed about the fact that I should have been the first one to tell him. My fake friend Divya and Anjana told him I was obsessed with him and I write around his name everywhere and always talk about how much I love him and I always say that he kind of reciprocates the feelings. He was very depressed and his mood went off. 

When they came back, he completely ignored me for the first time. I thought at least I wanted him to look at me like earlier so I told him they were just scaring you and there is nothing like this. He said it was okay and told me he didn’t take it personally anyway. I smiled back at him and left for the assembly. At that moment I knew there was no chance of him liking me back but I was a fool who couldn’t stop loving him even if I wanted to. Every night I cried myself to sleep thinking about my unrequited love and every morning I wanted him to look at me. Secretly I used to watch him pass through the window and was very happy with his presence. I wanted him to know that he made my days brighter even though it was very sorrowful. My love was so strong that I have not felt like this to anyone else and even though many guys liked me back then I was very loyal and devoted to my love towards him but I knew he will never love me no matter what I do.

I never knew the reason he never talked to me after what my friends told him. It was very depressing for me. As I said earlier, he was good for me. Thank God we were never in a relationship because I was able to concentrate on studies, do better and even do well in extra-curricular. I played handball and got into the team and I did study well. I became one of the best students in my class and I proved myself to me. I became someone near to my own expectations. 

In almost one year six months of loving him he never had a girlfriend but suddenly in between in the year when were in 9th standard he started a relationship with Sandhya when evil take human form that’s her. It was at that time I knew my love for him never got felt by him maybe. When I heard the news, I told everyone it’s a rumour maybe I wanted to believe it like that. I faked smile overtime I smile even when it was not funny, I laughed hard to ignore the pain in me so that no one know how much I cried or hurt I was. it was actually like a knife stuck in the heart. Anyways thanks to everything I got a story to tell. I wanted to hold on to him despite him not wanting me I still wanted him and needed him so badly. He started becoming a nightmare instead of a daydream. He used to stare at me but I tried to ignore his existence as time pass by. I saw him holding her hand and at that time I knew the joke is on you and you cannot run away from the pit you dug yourself. If anyone ask me if I regretted loving him, I would say no because it was a good feeling the love, I had was true honest and pure. At last, at the beginning of my 10th standard I wanted to have a fresh start and forget about him. Then he broke up with his girlfriend and he messaged me. Which indeed triggered my feelings again. I really wanted to get over him so I started chatting to a random handsome guy turned out to be mutual friend of my tuition friend Merin. She knew this guy from our neighbouring school. He proposed to me and in urgent need to get over Karun I said yes. We dated for a while over the summer of 2015. We all came back to school and I still had lingering feelings towards Karun. I am a very bad observer at that time so I never knew how actually Karun was or what is his actual behaviour. I never knew how he would have loved a girl. I wanted to feel that feeling that’s why I dated a random guy to know how it felt to be loved at least once in my teenage life. I was desperate and maybe due to hormones. Karun may have his reasons that I would never dare to know. He messaged me again just with a ‘hey’ which meant a lot to me. We friends asked him if it was him or not. He told me it was him and he blocked me after some days. I stopped using Facebook after that. 

The worst rumour I heard about myself was that I was very ugly and it was Sandhya Karun’s girlfriend who said that. She said ‘how can a girl like Sakshi love him madly? She is just a crazy psychopath stalker maniac’ . Maybe I believed it was true then. I believed that in fairy tales one day I would turn hot and beautiful and go through a transformation but fuck it never happened I remained fat and ugly forever. Low self-confidence and insecurities keeps on building in me. My low self-esteem made all my relationships end like shit. Sure, those words hurt me badly and the worst is that my character became mean and rude. She used to show off their love to make me jealous she had a big mouth. She talked rubbish about me. I was jealous and sad at the same time. I never hated her or him. I think I would never fall in love again because I was not able to get back up after the fall.

The thing I couldn’t get over him was the way he looked at me directly into my eyes. I hoped at least once somewhere underneath all the shows he would have at least liked me a bit. Will I ever make it to his heart or would it be a great honour for my unrequited love?

It didn’t end here. We met each other a few times but walked away like strangers and I loved him enough to let him go.

I Sakshi became very popular in school during high school. I was a popular handball player and was an outstanding student too. I stayed single ever since but met a guy during a festival meet and got attracted to him. That guy was a lot older than me. Instagram has become a sensation. I searched for him in it and started chatting with him but after one year he called me ‘sister’. It was disappointing but not heartbroken. I took science in 12th standard. After loving Karun for over four years this was not at all sorrowful. About Karun there is something I still feel is an incomplete part of my life. He moved to another school during 11th standard and I see him sometimes in the street. He walks past me as if we never knew each other. If that’s what he wants, let it be.

Two years passed by so fast I was recalling my old memories. The school life was indeed filled with memoirs of happiness. Now I have moved away from JTBC apartments as we had made our own house a little away from the rich bitches. In the last two years lots of things have changed , especially my behaviour. I have become more selfish, extroverted and very ambitious. My college life begins and I am scared about everything that has happened to me in the past. If I say those memories were precious as well as special at the same time it gave me lots of shivers. My favourite pastime is not present in my life anymore.

I became more cautious about guys as I was scared to care about them. I was always very impatient earlier now I don’t know how it’s going to be. My future becomes more and more unclear and ambiguous to me. I joined my college for a bachelor of communicative English some place far away from my home. I used to travel by train to reach there. It was so much fun to travel as I always like to go to places. It was all new for me, a new place, new people and new vibes. I still remember the first day of college had a strike and it was so depressing to just come and leave. I talked to a few kids earlier and had known one since his relative is my mother’s friend. My first friend was Akhil and he is always so smiley so I thought he is a very nice person. Then I met Anamika. She was a bit of a guard but talked to me pleasantly followed by Devananda and Keerthi. I liked everyone and the new class. 

We all became friends and I had one of the best gang of friends, it consists of almost 12 people. Starting with me the extrovert, Keerthi was from Punjab, Anamika was a bit different, Devananda was sweet and talkative, Sangeetha was very silent, Sashimi is the light of the class, Jalaja the most studious among us, Swapna was shortest among us, Beersheba she was not into talking with us, Chandra was an athlete she was very funny, Neeli was the naughtiest one and Rayna was pretty kind and introverted she was a late comer everyone ignored her for no reason. I always wanted to be friends with her. I don’t like avoiding people unless they are creepy shit. This completed our gang. Apart from that I met Sreejith who lives near my home so it was easy for me to get along with the guys too. Sreejith was a social butterfly. He is the most extroverted person I have seen. I started having a little bit of a crush on him but he had a crush on Rayna. Later I knew that Rayna liked him too but she doesn’t want to be in a relationship. By the time I got over him our girl gang started breaking up as Jalaja made her own clique with sashimi, Devananda and Beersheba and Swapna, Neeli and Chandra became one and the last ones remaining became a gang. Me Keerthi, Sangeetha, Rayna and Anamika. Anamika became creepy along the way. It was the first time in life I saw someone like her. She didn’t exhibit her true character till the end. She behaved like an obsessed person to everyone. Day by day she started doing psycho stuff and always talked about stuff that we didn’t understand and she flirted with everyone. She used to call me and talk to me for hours about things that I didn’t understand. Inside I felt bad for her but she was creeping me out. She used to message guys and ask weird stuff like what are you doing today, tomorrow and day after tomorrow. She started talking about her first love and told lies about him to us. I told everyone about my past crushes. She told my story to everyone saying it’s her story. Something was wrong with her, so I started to observe her and found a lot of weird stuff. Couldn’t take it anymore, everyone started ignoring her. She made a new friend and suddenly left our bench.

I was very weird and many people found me annoying and loud. At that time Rayna and I became close. She was a great relief to me and I hope it was like that for her too. I started liking a guy again after Karun. His name was Karthik. He was way too handsome and tall for everything I had imagined about my future partner. He was so damn hot that I couldn’t stop myself from having a crush on him. Apart from that he was studying bachelor of history we had a few common courses so started seeing him often. At first, he didn’t notice me. Later he saw me for who I was. He started following me on Instagram and we had a platonic start. We talked to each other for hours. We first chatted then talked in person and later started talking through phone calls. I don’t know if I was falling in love again. I was scared to express it as it will become something weird again like last time. We had continuous and nonstop conversations about all sorts of stuff. But Karthik was way out of my league. I knew that I was going to become a joke one day or another. He was a lazy person who had no interest in studies. I was not sure about him. One day I realised he has a girlfriend and that was pretty sad and annoying. I was not in love with him but there was something which I can’t express. Then after 3 months I kept a distance between us and of course he flirts with me for so long even though he had a girlfriend. He flirts with all actually a playboy indeed. He broke up with her and proposed to me and indeed the desperate me wanted him to walk behind me while I left him hanging. He kind of knew I was boring so he forgot about me so quickly. I also forgot him so quickly because he was not worth it anyway.

All the small things I did in college had a great impact in my life. I enjoyed every minute and second of my life in college. Most reminiscing memoirs were from my second year. I eventually moved on and turned out to be quite a free bird. I looked at every guy and for fun walked behind a lot of guys. I became less and less serious about life and all worries went away. I was happy, young and free. At that time, I got a new boyfriend, Sreenish, who is an introvert but we kind of became friends after sharing memes and we clicked well. Rayna became part of my best friend category. I hated the fact that Keerthi in-between started backbiting about me to Rayna and Sangeetha. Earlier she used to like me but there are exactly three reasons why she hates me. The first is after I started getting good marks, she got jealous and indeed became more and more insecure about herself. Then she ignored me all the time and she wouldn’t wait for me at all after class. Second is the close and special bond with Rayna that made her jealous. Thirst is the worst because I was more on the likeable side. Everyone liked me for who I was, most of them hated her for her weird behaviour and she lacked confidence on another level. So according to my conclusion it would be the reasons for hating me, moreover she used to boast about being slim which is weird when we are spreading body positivity all around the world. She hated Sreejith and Sreenish for being friends with us. She hated Sreejith because he always talks to Rayna only and hated him for ignoring him. She used to make fun of Rayna about Sreejith. Sreenish was also made fun of by Keerthi. 

This drama of Keerthi was not enough that Sangeetha had her own set of problems with us. There are exactly two reasons for her to hate me. First is that I don’t like repeating stuff I said yesterday again today because she is absent every day. She was a serial absentee in our class. and expects to know all the news is a bit overboard so make fun of her about it. Second, she felt left out when we hung out with Sreejith and Sreenish, and followed by my first friend Akhil who was a relative of my mother’s friend. We had a fall out because he was a psycho. He used to torture me with his messages of long paragraphs. Moreover, he was very irritating and killed my patience. I would have forgiven him but let it go. Why hold onto a cliff hanging it was not so worth it. So, I cleaned these three from my life forever. We no longer remain friends but I have peace and calmness in my life. After they left, I felt alive and happy again so I knew at that moment that the people who bring you down or don’t respect you or take you for granted or take the peace away are not worthy of staying in our life. I met Karun after years and now we follow each other on Instagram let bygones be bygones.

I don’t hold grudges but I am over them and don’t want to meet them at all. They weren’t the ones who left us, we made them leave to be true as it was killing our mental health. It was pretty okay college life; it was 5 long years and I graduated with a double degree. I started working in e-way as an assurance manager after my graduation. I attended an interview in Kerala. Basically, my parents are from Kerala and we moved back home. Along the way I met someone special. The moment I knew how it felt to be in love came true. One day as I was travelling by train, I met an old woman who reminded me of my grandmother. I talked to her nonstop enquiring about all her whereabouts. She gave me her number and we separated. I forgot about it and during my 24th birthday celebration I found this number in my phone so I called her to just know about her. But someone else picked up sounds like a guy. I was about to speak but I thought it was the wrong number. I was so sad about it even though it was a small encounter. She was like a friend to me throughout the journey. Next day I got a call back from the number but this time it was the guy. This guy asked my name and told me he is her grandson and he gave the phone to her. We talked and she was happy that I still remembered her. She lived in Bangalore with her daughter and family and I didn’t realise this whole incident would lead me to a new path.

I was busy with my work and my parents always worried about me. They were worried that I was 25 and I would remain unmarried. She thought I was having an affair and even spied behind me after her retirement. She asks me to meet guys all the time and not one has had an interest in me because now I am a director in e-way and have a workaholic lifestyle. My father is lazy and always comes to visit me in my flat to annoy me. Although it is a bit annoying, I feel happy when they come. It was my 234th matchmaking meeting. I was as usual lazy to do anything extra and went to meet the guy the same way I usually go out. This guy was somewhat six years older than me which was a perfect age gap according to my personal preference. He was about 180cm tall and I love tall guys very much. Nothing more matters to me than this. Actually, I was long ready to settle down just that no one liked me and didn’t care to make them like me as I believe that they should like me the way I was and without any exaggeration. For me I believe my cup of tea is someone who respects and cares for me and nothing overwhelming or romance is not actually expected. With no expectation I went to see him, my dream guy. the 234th guy I hope would be my last and only. He was wearing a blue striped shirt and white jeans. I liked his dressing sense. I was wearing a blue striped shirt dress too. We were twinning indeed. I walked over to him and I looked at the guy. He was so handsome and hot. I looked into his eyes and it actually sparked it straight into my heart. I said Hey Nikhil, right? and he smiled back and said hello nice to meet you then I sat down and took the menu and ordered a vanilla latte. He also ordered the same. I became shy and blushed a little bit. I liked this guy. I hope he doesn’t have a girlfriend or a secret wife. He smiled and it lit up the whole room. He said that he would like to know about me before he decides and he said he would like to take me on at least 5 dates before saying a yes or a no. I have a keen interest in knowing him so I said yes, I am ready to date as I was always stupid.

This is like the first real time I am going to date someone. So, I said this is our first date and I talked to him about myself. He was listening carefully and was not bored at all. I asked about him and listened to him as I felt like hearing a song when he was talking. He told me that he works as an architect in a mnc in Kochi. He was very serious in the beginning but turned out to be very funny and sarcastic while we were about to end. 

We talked and time went by and we exchanged the phone number and went back home. Life was fun and the first date was very entertaining indeed. We WhatsApp each other almost all day and after one week the second date was fixed. We travelled together for the first time. It was nice as we both like travelling. The third date was a dinner date in taj but we went to a small street restaurant where I love the food. I invited him to my flat for my fourth date and we cooked together. The final and last date was a football match. We had a blast as we were about to leave, I held his hands and asked him if it was a yes or no. He smiled and said his family will inform my family of the feedback. I got angry because I am short tempered and it was kind of shit from his side to tell me to wait after going on 5 dates. 

It’s almost 3 weeks 14 hours 39 minutes and 30 seconds since our 5th date nor he or his family contacted me and I was impatient. At the same time, I was angry and my pride was stopping me from calling him first. I went by his office and searched for him. He was on leave and I was becoming extremely moody. I went to my friend Anita’s house who married Tom through arranged marriage. I hangout there often along with Rayna and her husband Daniel. I am the only single friend. 

After 4 weeks 12 hours and 40 minutes I deleted my match making website and wanted to believe in fate for the last time. If he was meant to be he would be I prayed to lord Krishna and fasted all Mondays my whole life. I wanted to believe that what is mine will reach my way. On The evening of the 26th march evening I was coming back home. He called my dad and told me something . Dad told me to dress up and we reached a rural place in Kochi. I saw a lot of people gathered and an old woman had passed away. It came as an overwhelming moment when I saw the face of the person who died. It was the grandmother I met in the train some 2 years ago who passed away due to a heart attack. The guy I liked, Nikhil , was her grandson. It was a sorrowful day and all the rituals were completed within 15 days and my family stayed with them throughout thick and thin. 

Then we came back home that’s when my father told me that his grandmother selected me as her granddaughter-in-law during the train journey. I was shocked she liked the way I was and has said to Nikhil that she is the perfect wife for him and he actually stalked me all the time and waiting for me the whole time. 

I went back and met him again. I told him I love you and he said he loves me too. And we told our parents and they all agreed and we got married and had 3 kids. We still miss our grandmother. She is the one who made me meet such a kind and loving life partner. This time I loved him enough but didn’t let him go.

Prasad NellikatLast Seen: Mar 9, 2024 @ 4:44pm 16MarUTC

Prasad Nellikat



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