Optimism and pessimism. Content and disappointment. Lucky and unlucky. These are the opposites that co-exist in our world. But have we ever focused on what are these? How do we define these? What are the statistics related to these words? For those of you who are movie buffs, I would like to ask you a question. What would you call Ethan Hunt (played by legendary Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible franchise)? Would you call him lucky or unlucky? Or borderline lucky? Jumping back to the real life, what will you call Manoj Kumar Sharma (we all know him from the movie 12th fail)? Lucky or unlucky?Â
Before answering the question, I would like to tell my own story to you. So on 1st January 2023, right after the new year celebrations at my home, I received phone call from my friend, P (will call him P. throughout to respect his privacy). The phone call went on for around 1-1.5 hrs. It was a ritual phone call that we used to have weekly where we used to discuss and mock what bad things happened to us in the past and used to laugh at our bad luck. But this call was special. It was the starting of a new year 2023. In this call, we were summarizing all the negative things that happened to us in 2022. Some of these things included – cutting of all ties from my female best friend, a bad fight with my crush, his crush falling in love with his male best friend, no fruitful female interaction, not being invited to any of the friends’ parties, very bad job life, less earnings as compared to other people etc. Typical young boy problems! Now, these issues would seem very petty to you but meant a lot for us. Neither one of us had experienced any teenage love or college romance and had been single our entire lives. So we had started calling ourselves “unlucky”. Yes, we were unlucky –Â while our friends and colleagues out there were having the time of our lives, we were sulking with the tales of bad luck on a new year’s eve. You would also call us unlucky right?
Now let me zoom out the picture for you a little bit (this might bore you!). So, I was born in an upper middle class family in Patna, Bihar. My family consists of practicing doctors and engineers. We have our own house in Patna and own three cars, two drivers and four servants. I had always been a class topper in my school, got a lot of female friends. Girls have proposed me about four to five times in school and I have rejected their proposals (just because I wanted to stay loyal to my one-sided crush XD). In my class 12th exams as well, I was the topper, got admission to the premier engineering institution in the country and shifted to Delhi. We also own a home in Faridabad and live with my family there. I also got a scholarship from my coaching institute and used to spend a lot in college days as well. My friend P, has also had the same story. He was born and brought up in Delhi itself, had always been a school topper, also got admitted to the same premier institute in the first attempt. We both had very good friends in school as well as in college and scored good marks in college as well. I bagged a pre-placement offer from a reputed firm while he also made it to a top software company. (I will be writing a separate post about internships and placement as well, an informative one). Now, would you still call us unlucky? I think, when you look at the bigger picture, you cannot call us “unlucky”. We are, in fact, very lucky.
So, maybe, it can be safely concluded that “lucky” and “unlucky” is just a matter of perspective, right? Humans have a tendency to look at things in a pessimistic kind of way. I think this trait is evolutionary and has helped us to evolve and grow in leaps and bounds. The natural dissatisfaction that is there within us is what leads us to growth. The dissatisfaction and urge to acquire more is what results in inventions and “progress”. So, this trait, in fact, is needed. This unhappiness, and dissatisfaction is needed. But, the catch here is that feeling that you are “unlucky”, might push you towards what we call a “victim mentality”. Even at the slightest inconvenience, you will start feeling that this was bound to happen to you because you are unlucky. Now, this is a vicious cycle! Me and P. had this victim mentality. On asking further, we found out that this mentality was quite common amongst people our age. These people then start visiting the therapist who advises them to practice gratitude journalling, optimism etc. Well, to be honest, me and P. had also considered doing this! But let me tell you, from my very own experience, that whatever happens, happens for a reason. The universe is always working in your own favor. You just have to hold on tight because it’s a very rocky road!Â
So what experience am I talking about? There were two major cases that made me believe in the universe. The first is related to my career, so I would cover it in later posts (as you would be bored!). The other one is related to romance, and I know that this is what will interest all my young readers! So, I befriended a girl (we will call her A.) in my first year of college. We grew very close and she became my best friend by the end of first year. We became super close in 2nd year and then, like any other guy, I developed romantic feelings for her. I started becoming possessive of her. I started behaving erratically and all. But overall, I was a nice guy and she liked being friends with me. I, however, was in love with her and interpreted her every action as a romantic action. I started giving her gifts and doing things for her. In the end of my second year, I told her about my feelings. Yes, you guessed it right, she didn’t love me back. My heart was broken but we decided to stay best friends. But I started growing restless and miserable day by day. I used to act possessive and silly, used to call her out that she wasn’t giving me enough time etc etc. In short, I threw unnecessary tantrums and we started having a lot of fights. We ultimately stopped talking after I found out that she liked someone else and they were sort of dating. I was shattered! And, yes, this happened in 2022. After that, I started hating her for “what she did to me”.Â
Then, I fell into the trap of victim mentality. “Why me? Why didn’t she like me back? Why am I so unlucky?” – all these questions would cross my mind daily. I felt alone (although I had so many friends to support me). I felt sad and miserable from the inside and it reflected on my body as well. But then, one night, I had a conversation with my friends P. and P.S. This night changed everything for me because that night, there was one more question that was raised – “What is wrong with me? Why don’t people want to stay with me? Why don’t people approach or like me?”. Yes, the good old introspection. And then it hit me! I was fat, miserable, possessive, weird and immature! I had to change that. I couldn’t always be the victim! So I joined the gym, started going through my past chats to understand my personality, started reading self help books, bought good clothes for myself and started focusing on my hobbies and interests. In short, I started building myself, right from the start. I started in 2022 and by the second half of 2023, I was a changed man!
Now, in April 2023, I had started talking to A. again after I had matured a lot. She asked for a referral in my firm and I was glad that we would work together again if she bagged the offer. So, I gave in a good word for her and she started progressing through the rounds. All the other candidates were getting rejected in the first round itself! However, in the very last round, A. was waitlisted. This was because, another candidate had jumped into the race. She was R. She progressed through the rounds like piece of cake and I hated her for this. I wanted A. to bag the job but it seemed that R was giving her a tough competition. Well, in the end, R won and was hired. I had lost again! I was “unlucky” yet again! But was I? Well, not this time. What I was calling my loss, was actually a win for me. The universe had conspired in my favor this time.
Well, me and R are dating now. And every time I talk to her or see her, my belief in the universe just strengthens. Long story short, all this was the universe’s long drawn-out plan in my favor. R’s ex-boyfriend was just like me (when I was in college with A.), and he used to treat her the exact same way I treated A. In short, the universe wanted me to improve, to grow, to be the man I am right now. It wanted to make me mature. It wanted to make me fit. It wanted to make me the best version of myself before I met R. So universe basically had a great plan for both R and me! Well, I will definitely go into the details of how I met R, when I started liking her and how did we start dating. That’s a story in itself!
Well, long story short, the universe is always working in your favor in its own mysterious ways. You just have to realize what it’s trying to say to you and strive for excellence. Every negative experience is actually a learning opportunity and some experiences may seem negative at first, but will always turn out in your favor. Trust the universe and get out of the victim mentality! You are not unlucky!
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