THIS IS MY BEAUTIFUL 13 YEAR OLD, I WILL NOT POST HER INFORMATION ON HERE BUT FOR NOW LET’S CALL HER SYDNEY.
Sydney has had a bit of a hard time growing up, as her father and I split up before she was even a year old. Soon after that I unfortunately succumbed to heroin addiction. I am one of the lucky ones who went to detox once and never picked up again, that was 11 and 1/2 years ago now. But that is not what this story is about, I only mentioned my past struggles because my daughter is going through what I did when I was 17 or so, definitely not 13!
Sydney has made some accusations about me in the past when she was caught smoking weed, selling vapes in school, smoking vapes, being atrocious to her teachers, and has become a child I do not recognize. I beat the criminal case that was brought against me concerning the marijuana, and the next day she made a new allegation that I don’t know if I can get past, I could really use some advice on this situation.
So a few nights ago I received a phone call from the police in my town, which I answered because I assumed it was concerning something I had contacted them about the previous day, but boy was I wrong! The police officer began explaining that my daughter had made an allegation back in November afte the initial court case, (that her narcissistic father told her that I won, and she made the newest allegation against me.)and the complaint was concerning something that happened when she was between 6-8 years old. I asked what the complaint was but was told but a real jerk of a cop that I needed to meet with both the police department and with DCF before I could be told what the allegations against me were. We ended up getting disconnected for about the third time, so instead of calling the police station back I just immediately called my lawyer.
I have to step a little bit backwards in the story for context, my time schedule with my daughter, meant that she couldn’t see her friends every night of the weekends. We made compromises and promises, but she never held up her end of the bargain and decided that spending time with her friends beat time hanging out with her mom, and as a teenager once myself I do understand that part. So she made some allocations concerning child endangerment, and I haven’t been able to see her since the day before mother’s day of this year. Now that the initial case has been dealt with, and not in her dad or stepmoms favor, she has accused me of the most disgusting thing I can think of.
It is breaking my heart even having to type this out, but she has accused me of molesting her when I used to put Vaseline on her private parts. Now I didn’t just do this for no reason, I hope that is obvious, but we have medical records dating back to that age that prove not only intense irritation down there for her but also she was plagued by yeast infections. Her father, stepmom, and I were all instructed to put Vaseline on the area and to ensure that she was wiping, cleaning and taking care of not just her private areas, but her entire body. Putting on the Vaseline was a two second job if that, and I always asked her if she wanted to do it herself so she didn’t need my help, but that request was usually met with her wanting me to do it.
I have yet to learn how this disclosure came about, but I understand something like this has to be investigated. She even went as far to get a forensic exam, which can be extremely invasive, which proved that there was absolutely no signs of sexual abuse, and her hymen was still intact. I have so many emotions rushing through my mind head and body, and I’m truly struggling to deal with this. I was a victim of sexual abuse between the ages of 16 and 18, so I know firsthand that being touched when you don’t want to be and violated in that way quite literally breaks you as a person. So the fact that she knew that and still made the accusation literally makes me sick to my stomach, absolutely furious, heartbroken, and very close to giving up.
We have family court coming up soon, but I have been fighting this fight with her stepdad for over 10 years now, the only difference is that besides the past year or two, I was the one she begged and cried to be with. So, now not only am I dealing with this, but I am adjusting to new bipolar medication, new sleeping medication, and my anxiety and depression are absolutely through the roof. I don’t if this makes much sense, but I feel like by her accusing me of molestation, she is drawing a line in the sand and making it clear that she knows how to hurt me in the worst way, and it seems clear that she does not want to see me- which has got me thinking about having to put my own heart and brain in self preservation mode, and making this situation the line that I draw in the sand too.
I am not saying that I’m giving up on her completely because I could never do that, but I will also not force her to see me because I think that will only help her grow her anger towards me. My plan is to go to family Court as soon as we possibly can, because I have no contact order at the moment and I feel like if that could be lifted, just so I could send her a simple text just letting her know that the door is open if she wants to talk. I just cannot keep fighting for someone who keeps hurting me so badly, and yes I know she is only 13, but she is old enough to be able to tell the truth from a lie, and once the police and DCF realize this since it’s as clear as day that this is made up, mark my words, she will start accusing her father of things next.
Her need for constant attention, drama, and having someone as a scapegoat at all times it’s going to backfire on her after this, as it can be proven to be a lie on so many levels; unfortunately means that not even the judge will be able to believe the things that she says. I would love to be able to go into the courtroom and ask for visitation back, but because of these accusations it would have to be under some kind of a therapeutic or supervised experience, so she cannot make anything else up. Unfortunately I think forced therapy would be traumatic for me and possibly her, but Sydney would definitely see this as an annoyance that would get in the way of her social life.
Anyone who has any advice for me please let me know, or if something like this has ever happened to you please reach out as well, this whole situation has made me feel very alone and I haven’t stopped crying for days because I am still in such shock. But please reach out if you have any words of wisdom, or if you could just be there to talk I would be eternally grateful.
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